


Libraries Gave Us Power

by teabagsimp



Category: All The Young Dudes - MsKingBean89, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Jegulus, Long, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Requited Love, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29681259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teabagsimp/pseuds/teabagsimp
Summary: This is going to be a long fic of Regulus' time at school until his death. This is set in the 'universe' of All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89 and includes many of the same events particularly in the first few years so make sure you've read that first!But yes, this is a Regulus POV Fic. It will include Jegulus aswell but Jily is endgame!!! Very very very slowburn and sad so be ready for that :) I hope you enjoy, I wrote this partly to fuel my Reg obsession but also to give him the attention he deserves!The title is a lyric from A Design for Life by Manic Street Preachers :)Again make sure you've read All the Young Dudes first!!!! Credit goes to MsKingBean89 for many of the events like I said :)I do not support jk rowling in any way
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black / other, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 28
Kudos: 34





	1. Year One: The Sorting

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All the Young Dudes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057010) by [MsKingBean89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsKingBean89/pseuds/MsKingBean89). 



> I hope you enjoy!

**_“We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edges of the print. It gave us more freedom. We lived in the gaps between the stories.” - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale_ **

“SLYTHERIN!” the hat bellowed. Regulus sighed with relief and hurried down to join the Slytherins. Narcissa further up the table gave him a pleased smile that said, 'I told you so'. He looked over at the Gryffindor table as a boy with long, greasy hair patted him on the back, Sirius was staring at him. He started to realise the gravity of the situation. _Sirius would never speak to him again… Sirius was going to resent him for the rest of his life. Stop… stop,_ he scolded himself. It wasn’t his fault, not quite. 

Regulus stared down at his empty plate, then up at the ceiling. First, he found himself written in the stars, and then his brother. His lip trembled as he studied the bright star. It seemed so peaceful, not at all like the boy who was frowning at him from the table over. Sirius’ face looked so disappointed and bitter. _I’m sorry_ his heart ached. _So, so sorry._

“Hello.” Regulus jumped at the chubby, mousy-brown haired boy next to him who was looking at Regulus expectantly.

“Hi,” he managed to croak out, hoping the boy didn’t notice his legs shaking under the table.

Regulus glanced around at the new students. Three girls had since joined the table, all giving each other eager, excited glances. Another first year boy sat opposite him with dark, tightly-curled hair and was staring at a much smaller, pale boy walking up to the stool at the front.

“SLYTHERIN!” The hat announced. The boy beamed and rushed down to sit next to his grinning friend, giving a polite smile to Regulus and the pudgy boy next to him. 

“Demelza Tremblay.” McGonagall read out to a quick ‘Whoop!’ from an older Slytherin. The hat barely touched her head before declaring “SLYTHERIN!”.

The rest of the sorting went by pretty quickly. Nine first years ended up in Gryffindor to the congratulations of Sirius and his friends who all leaned over to pat them each aggressively on the back as they welcomed them to the Gryffindor table.

As soon as Dumbledore concluded his speech and the food appeared, Regulus heard the four girls' exchange giddy introductions; Natalia Nott, Demelza Tremblay, Charlotte Dixon and Edith Fern. They then went round in a circle sharing their star sign, favourite food and how much they _absolutely_ _adored_ each other's hair. Regulus, however, ate in silence, staring over at the Gryffindor table. The boy next to him, Barty Crouch, he said his name was, spoke at him at a million miles an hour; telling him about how much he disliked his father; how he always knew he’d be put into Slytherin; how it's by far the best house _blah, blah, blah…_ Regulus wondered if the boy ever stopped talking. 

He did. When the desserts came out, Crouch stuffed his face with so much trifle that he could no longer speak. Taking advantage of the quiet, Regulus overheard the two boys sat opposite talking, the taller one seemed to be called Caius and the small, blonde one, named Evan. Neither of them made much of an effort to become acquainted with anyone else.

As the feast drew to an end, he noted his surroundings. Around the Slytherin table flew an awful-looking ghost who would occasionally sit at the head of the table in silence. The ghost appeared to be tied up in large, rusty silver chains with his robes covered in blood: _The Bloody Baron._ Narcissa had spoken about him before, about how annoying he was, screaming around the astronomy tower, chains clattering. Regulus felt somewhat sorry for him, sitting there with vacant eyes while the Gryffindor ghost was chatting away happily to the new students. No-one else seemed to care though, as the prefects got up and led them down an extensive set of steps to the dungeons, the ghost lurking behind them still quiet and emotionless.

“Skele-Gro.” Narcissa said and the stone wall parted to reveal a black metal door. The eight first years wandered into the common room, it reminded Regulus disturbingly of home. The pompous, elaborately carved stonework covering the ceilings and walls; the black leather sofas studded with silver; the dark green snakes framing the ornate tapestries; and tall windows which let in a soft, green glow. Two of the girls, Charlotte and Edith looked around in awe at all the intricacy, _mustn't be purebloods then,_ he thought _._ All the houses Regulus had been to were families of the sacred twenty-eight, and they all bore the same showy-offy detail as the room they were standing in. Narcissa led them up a winding set of steps at the back of the common room, which brought them out to a long, carpeted corridor with a stained-glass window at the end.

“Boys,” she gestured to the first door on the left, “and girls.” she said, pointing to the opposite door on the right.

The dorm room was similarly decorated to the common room, except on the stone tiles lay a huge green and silver rug that spanned the entire floor, ending about a foot away from each wall. 

“Nice!” Caius and Evan said in unison and jumped onto one of the beds. Regulus, however, was drawn to the large windows at the end of the room. _They were underwater._ He stood there, looking out into the murky lake in pure shock. Narcissa had said the common room was underground in the dungeons but hadn’t mentioned it was literally _underwater._

* * *

Later that night, Regulus lay awake staring through the glass and into the lake, watching how the moonlight shone down through the water and how it cast an eerie light into the dorm room. His mind was racing about what the hat had said, ‘ _Ravenclaw perhaps... yes… a thirst for knowledge I see… you’d do well there… but Gryffindor... why yes Gryffindor would suit you well’ ‘Please no, Slytherin please, please’ ‘Oh but don’t you see? You could flourish if-’ ‘Slytherin please - I have to’ ‘...Very well’._

Regulus had thought it might put him into Ravenclaw; he enjoyed reading and learning and, luckily; they didn’t have as bad of a reputation among purebloods, but Gryffindor, _oh, never_. His parents made it clear after Sirius’ sorting that if Regulus ever even _thought_ about being sorted into Gryffindor, well, he may as well start digging his own grave. His mother went as far as if Regulus mentioned Sirius’ name in pleasant conversation; she would greet him with a quick “ _Lacero_ ” on the back of his shins. It shut him up pretty quickly. 

Besides, Regulus hadn’t thought he’d ever get in, even if he wanted to. He dreamt about it occasionally, after it placed Sirius in Gryffindor. Imagined all the fun they might have; how proud Sirius would be. But he was far too timid anyway, not at all like his brother, who didn’t seem to have a care in the world for the consequences of his actions. _But the sorting hat…_ he shoved the thought to the back of his mind. _What did it matter now? He was in Slytherin, and that was that._

* * *

The next morning, during breakfast, Regulus received a brand-new owl from his parents along with a letter congratulating him on his place in Slytherin, saying he’s now a ‘true Black’. Regulus didn’t like owls much, but they were useful, he supposed. Besides, he was pleased that his parents were happy, it took their attention off Sirius for once.

The greasy-haired boy, however, had snatched the letter from his hand and was reading it loudly toward the Gryffindor table. Unamused, he tried to grab the letter back, but to no avail. Regulus really didn’t want to make the Sirius situation any worse than it already was. Three Gryffindor boys, Sirius’ friends that he met on the train, were now staring at them, whispering between themselves. He could hear a boy with round glasses and messy hair, _Potter_ , make a snarky comment about ‘Marrying your cousin’ with Sirius joining in, ‘Inbreeding and creeping are key aspects of my noble heritage.’

Regulus just looked down and dug into his porridge. He knew Sirius didn’t direct it at him, but he couldn’t help feeling hurt all the while, especially when Potter announced, “Doesn’t sound like you’re a Black at all.”

“Goodness,” joined Sirius, “What on earth am I?”

“It’s obvious… you’re a Marauder.”

The Gryffindor table laughed whilst Regulus hoped the ground would swallow him up. Once the Slytherin boy left along with his friend and Crouch, Regulus awkwardly shuffled over to the Gryffindors, and offered his owl to Sirius. He attempted an apology, knowing how it made him look; Regulus the perfect child, Sirius the delinquent brother.

“Look, I’m sorry, ok – you knew I’d end up in Slyth-” he tried, but Sirius just stood up, not looking at him.

“I don’t want your owl, if I need to send a letter, I’ll borrow James’.” replied Sirius and stormed out.

“Of course you will.” Regulus mumbled under his breath. It was always _James_.


	2. Year One: Friends

_**“It had already occurred to him that books were stuff, and that life was stupid.” - George Eliot, Middlemarch** _

Regulus spent the next few days focusing on school. He knew most of was what was being taught in the lessons anyway, as he had spent the summer reading and rereading his textbooks. Seeing as Sirius had left him alone halfway through the holidays, he hadn’t much else to do but read. He’d even ended up looking through some of Bella and Cissy’s books when they came to visit, although he didn’t understand them much.

“Very impressive knowledge on sleeping droughts today Mr Black, yes very impressive indeed! You could be potioneer at this rate!” Professor Slughorn had chuckled after his first lesson, “Glad to have you in my house, had quite a shock last year when your brother was put into Gryffindor… first one in what? Must be a good few hundred years.”

“Five hundred.” He mumbled, staring awkwardly at his feet.

“Why yes, five hundred years! Was quite sad to not have the full set of you, but alas that hat works in mysterious ways.”

“Mmhm.”

“Right, well, you’d best be off, don’t want you getting a late detention on your first day! Who’ve you got next? Professor McGonagall, is it?” he carried on, clearly unaware of Regulus’ uncomfort.

“Yes, transfiguration.”

“Well give her my apologies!” he cheered, waving him off.

“Erm thanks Professor.” he hurried out of the classroom, relieved to finally be away from him. Regulus didn't mind Professor Slughorn, but his overly cheery, talkative character was unnerving and, well, he didn't fancy talking to a complete stranger about the _Sirius situation._

* * *

In general, he found school life pretty boring. His roommate, Barty Crouch, wouldn’t stop going on about how disgraceful it was to let ‘mudbloods’ into school and that purebloods should at least be taught separately. Regulus was sure he was just copying whatever his family was telling him, as Crouch had boasted on multiple occasions about a particular cousin of his involved in the dark arts. Not to mention the fact he and Sirius had gotten the same lecture from their parents countless times.

Regulus didn’t see what the big deal was about muggles, they didn’t seem to interfere much, and the half-bloods and muggleborns he had met seemed nice enough. But as always, he would just keep his head down and go along with it, it was easier that way.

As the weeks trolled on, Regulus got to know some of the Slytherins. There was Severus, or ‘Snivellus’ as Sirius used to say over summer, who was the greasy-haired second year boy that congratulated him on the first day. He was okay, a bit boring but not as bad as Sirius had made him out to be, Severus at least wanted to talk to him and even tended to follow him around which Regulus found odd. He supposed it was because of his name; he’d come to realise he had some sort of superiority within the Slytherin house, being from the ‘Noble house of Black’ and all. He also noticed people did anything Narcissa said, following her around like house-elves.

Crouch was annoying, constantly trailing around after him, talking and talking and talking. Not to mention the fact he was surprisingly dense too. Crouch was terrible at nearly all his subjects yet was always the first to announce a muggleborns’ stupidity if they got something wrong in lesson, when, Regulus knew fully well, the only reason Barty would get the answer right is because he copied word-for-word off Regulus.

His other dormmates Caius and Evan didn’t bother him, Crouch had told him they’d been best friends for forever and they honestly didn’t talk much to anyone else. He woke up before them and went to bed after them, so only really encountered the pair in lessons, but even then, they’d sit together, talking quietly between themselves, occasionally smirking around the classroom and whispering into each other’s ear. Regulus was sure they must be planning some grand scheme to take over the world because he’d only ever gotten a ‘Hello’ or a ‘Cya later’ out of either of them, yet their mouths never stopped moving when they were together.

Then there was Mulciber, another second year, he would go around with Snape tormenting first year Hufflepuffs who’d run away crying. Regulus had to admit, he was pretty scary until he opened his mouth; he was tall with broad shoulders and looked like he head-butted walls for fun _and sounded like it too_ , Regulus thought. He wasn’t necessarily unintelligent like Crouch (he admittedly had quite a knack for hexes and jinxes) but the way he’d sheepishly run around after Cissy made him seem almost dog-like, apparently it had been even worse last year when Bellatrix was there.

The four girls were okay, but they didn’t talk to the boys much at all. Sometimes one of them would say hi and then scurry back to a giggling group of girls. Regulus had only ever known his three girls, and they were his cousins. Then out of those three, Andromeda was disowned before this 8th birthday and Bellatrix would only ever talk in sarcastic jokes that bordered on insults, and so Narcissa was the only one he’d ever actually talk to. But if all girls were like Cissy, then he supposed he might enjoy their company. If only they stopped laughing all the time; he found it to be strangely intimidating.

* * *

The castle was bigger than Regulus had imagined, Sirius warned him about how easy it was to get lost, but he didn't anticipate accidentally finding an entirely new part of the castle each day; he swore the corridors must multiply overnight _._ The library quickly became his favourite part of the castle, it was so peaceful, and you could easily hide away in a corner and not be found for hours. Not to mention the huge array of books on almost any corner of the wizarding world. Regulus would often wake up before breakfast, find his way up to the library, sit in one of the cushioned window seats and stare out, watching as Hogwarts came to life and sleepy students made their way to the great hall.

He also found he loved the grounds outside, Regulus had never thought of himself as an outdoor person but, then again, he did grow up in central London. There, the only outdoor space was a small muggle park that he and Sirius were forbidden from entering. The grounds at Hogwarts were a world away from that. The fresh Scottish air, for one thing, that blew in gently off the black lake was filled with so much more life and magic than at home. The hundreds of flowers slowly withering after a long summer, the small pumpkins in the patch outside Hagrid’s hut preparing for Halloween, the smell of fresh dirt and pine that drifted out from the dark forest, it made him feel so _loved._ Like he actually belonged to the strange world he was born into.

* * *

Regulus quickly learnt he would not be making any close friends at Hogwarts, nearly everyone in Slytherin was pureblood-obsessed and didn’t seem to care much about anything else. Then the Slytherins who did associate with ‘dirty-blood’ were ridiculed the moment they stepped foot back into the Slytherin common room. Regulus certainly did not want to be the latter.

So, he kept to himself mostly (when he could escape Crouch), reading and observing, he didn’t mind it; it was just like being at home except here the worst punishment you can get is cleaning out an old classroom which, to Regulus, actually sounded quite therapeutic. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but feel jealous every time he saw his brother with his friends, laughing and joking around, he remembered one of the first letters Sirius had written to him after arriving at Hogwarts, how he ought not to worry about him.

‘ _I’m fine! Made friends already! James Potter!! You’ve heard of the Potters, right?’_

Of course he had. They were the “blood traitors, an embarrassment to purebloods everywhere,” as his father would say.

‘ _Well, guess what? He’s brilliant! Just like a brother to me! You’d love him, he’s so much fun!’._

Regulus hadn’t minded the Potters too much until that point, but from then on Sirius wouldn’t stop talking about _James_ and all the pranks they’d pulled together and later when he’d scurried off to the Potters in summer... well, he’d never resented anyone more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter, I find its slightly clunky but it sets up Regulus' perspective nicely i think idk!!  
> As you can tell the hinting at Jegulus has begun!!! haha its got a kind of enemies to lovers type beat.


	3. Year One: Narcissa and Sirius

**_"Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in the face of certain defeat." - Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man_ **

Halloween at Hogwarts was marvellous, if not a little spooky. The dungeon corridors were decorated with glittering, silver spider webs and pumpkins lined the steps up to the great hall. More excitingly, hidden all throughout the castle, floated large orange and black lollipops. Last year at home, Regulus held his own mini-celebration in the attic by reading a scary story to Kreacher late at night. It had been unsettlingly quiet without Sirius who’d normally set up an array of pranks to try to scare him.

Regulus gaped round in awe as he walked into the great hall for the feast, it was like something out of a book. Carved pumpkins floated in place of the candles, bats circled above, occasionally unifying and forming the letters: H A P P Y H A L L O W E N. As the Hogwarts choir sang, skeletons danced with joy just above their heads. The tables too were adorned with an assortment of orange and black decorations and the desserts were all Halloween themed with eye-ball profiteroles, skeleton biscuits, pumpkin cake, and tall hat-shaped chocolates.

Just as the feast came to an end and students began heading back to their common rooms, Professor Slughorn ambled down from the Professors table at the front and tapped him and his cousin on the shoulder.

“Narcissa, Regulus if you don't mind following me to my office.” he spoke unusually quietly.

“Is everything okay Professor?” Narcissa asked, shooting worried glances at Regulus.

“Yes, yes, not to worry, just a simple family matter is all.” he said, not looking back at them.

“I wonder what the little bugger’s done now.” she whispered to Regulus.

Once they reached the door to Slughorn’s office, he stepped aside, “I won’t be joining you both.”

Confused, Narcissa pushed open the door and headed inside, Regulus not far behind. Inside sat his mother Walburga, Aunt Druella and his cousin Bellatrix who bore a similar puzzled look.

“Narcissa, Regulus, glad you could join us, please sit.” said Druella, not quite smiling. His mother just nodded at them both.

“We’re here with news...” she carried on slowly, “Narcissa, we have arranged you a dutiful marriage-”

“With my son, Sirius.” Walburga finished.

“What?!” Narcissa and Bellatrix said with disbelief. Regulus’s mouth hung open, could hardly believe it, But then again, he and Sirius were the only boys left in the Black family and they both knew they were expected to carry on the name, despite Sirius’ opposition.

“Mother, please, you gave your word, you-you said I could be with Lucius-” Narcissa started, eyes wide with shock.

“I understand dear, but Walburga and I have come to the decision that this is the best to keep the boy in line. You are to marry Sirius and that’s final.” Replied Druella.

“But mother, he really is filth of a boy, it’s not fair to land her with _that_.” Bellatrix said coolly, her hand on top of Narcissa's.

“This is not a point for discussion. We have considered it at length and with the boy’s recent _behaviour_ we have agreed that it was best to marry him early, tighten the reins, if you will,” stated Walburga, clearly not entertained by the protests of her nieces, “I ask you three to deliver this news to him at his birthday supper, no buts.”

With that, the two older women headed towards the fireplace and vanished in a flash of green flames. _What a great present_ , he thought _, getting married off to your cousin_ ; at least Narcissa was nice, she had always been his favourite.

“Oh Cissy, it _is_ a shame.” Bellatrix said, walking over to her sister and wrapping her arms around her. “He really is the last person anyone would want to marry.”

Narcissa started to sob into her shoulder, “It’s not fair. It’s not _fair!”_

* * *

Sirius did not take the news well. In fact, for the first time ever, he said nothing at all. He just stared at Narcissa, then Bellatrix and finally, Regulus.

“I am no happier about it than you are, I’ve spoken to Lucius about it all, he says he’ll try to find me a way out of it.” Narcissa scowled at him, clearly as angered as Sirius was.

Regulus just sunk back into his seat, staring at him meekly until Sirius eventually got up and walked out, not saying a word.

“Right, well, goodnight.” Cissy said and hurried back to her dorm, wiping tears from her eyes as she went.

The weeks that followed consisted of just that. Narcissa stifling cries in the common room, Narcissa surrounded by a group of whispering teenage girls, Narcissa weeping over letters from her beloved Malfoy. It was unbearable. Regulus didn’t really know how to deal with _crying girls_ so whenever Cissy started to get upset, he would awkwardly slink back into his dorm room and read. She was constantly complaining about Sirius too, how it was all his fault, if he weren’t such a prat, they wouldn’t be in this mess.

It was true. If Sirius had just put up with stuff like he did, like Cissy did, they’d be fine. But no, his bloody brother always had to go and ruin everything. Regulus used to admire him for that, for standing up for himself, but it only ever created an even bigger mess than before. It was like Sirius _enjoyed_ making life a misery for himself. Regulus would hide away under Sirius' bed, waiting for him to come upstairs after being disciplined. Seeing his face afterward was horrible; he'd be so pale, eyes pricked with tears and yet still full of pride. He was insufferable.

* * *

Narcissa barely brightened up as December rolled around. Regulus was quite impressed at this as he guessed it was pretty hard to feel miserable when the castle itself was bursting with joy. It was truly spellbinding, like Hogwarts really came into its own at Christmas. Huge Christmas trees marked the entrance to the great hall and inside, smaller trees lined the edge with alternating themes of emerald green with silver, royal blue with bronze, dark red with white gold and finally gold with black opal. It was truly a sight to behold. Throughout the castle, each and every portrait was decorated with a sprig of fresh holly, with the occasional frame wrapped in ivy. The usually dimly lit dungeons were lined with small twinkling lights, making it look just like a fairytale. But the Slytherin common room held the most mesmerizing surprise; the most extravagantly embellished Christmas tree he’d ever seen, you could stare at it for hours finding all the magical baubles and beads. 

Regulus spent most of December outside, enjoying the wintery weather, it was so calm and the snow made everything quiet as though someone had cast a silencing spell on the world. That was except for the courtyard which was full of shouts and swears as Crouch, Mulciber and Snape had taken to hiding behind the Christmas trees, throwing snowballs at unsuspecting Gryffindors. _They'd never do it to their faces,_ Regulus thought after he found them one day, all sniggering behind a tree just out of sight of the pathways and benches. Most of the older Gryffindors looked, in his opinion, like they were ready to muggle fight anyone at any moment and would probably easily beat up any three of them if they found the culprits. The older Slytherins and Ravenclaws, on the other hand, looked more like they would hex you into oblivion if you crossed them.

The lessons drew to an end the week before Christmas, to everyone but Regulus’ delight. He would much prefer to stay at school doing work then go home to the _Sirius situation_ . Sirius, he was looking forward to seeing, but it likely would not be a very cheerful event given their parents hadn’t seen him since he ran off to the Potters’ mid-summer. _That combined with the new arrangement_... it wasn’t worth thinking about.


	4. Year One: Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: pretty unpleasant family stuff so just beware of that :)

_**"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." - J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye** _

Sirius didn’t come back. Not that Regulus was surprised by this, but he had hoped to see his brother alone for once. Even though Sirius annoyed him to no ends, it was nice to have someone to talk to that you can trust, that _knows_ you. His parents were unsurprisingly furious; it was one thing to ignore letters, but another thing to sneak off to the Potters… _twice._

“That boy, that _boy._ ” bellowed his father, _“_ Despicable utterly despicable, how _dare_ he?”

“He wants to ruin our family for good, I'll say, probably taking tips from that _thing.”_ snarled his mother.

The ‘thing’ was their cousin Andromeda, after she went off with the muggle, no one in their family even mentioned her name, except Sirius of course, they acted like she was some sort of disease.

On Christmas Eve, as he heard Kreacher and his mother leave to bring back Sirius, Regulus crawled under his brother’s bed. He stared up at the etching on the wooden frame; ‘Sirius + Reg’ it read, underneath was a badly drawn engraving of two stickmen, one taller than the other, holding hands. He reached up and traced the tall one, “I miss you,” he whispered, “I miss you, I miss you.” His throat tightened as he choked out tears. 

Without thinking, Regulus punched the drawing. 

“You idiot! You idiot! You idiot!” he cried, clawing at the stickman, splinters digging under his nails.

“I hate you!” he punched it a final time and let his arms fall to the floor. His face was covered in sticky tears and his pale knuckles stung red. The tall stickman was completely scratched out, chipped wood in its place. The only part left of him was the hand, still interlocked with the smaller one. 

Regulus’ eyes started open from the shrieking below. His heart raced... _Sirius_ . He jumped up only to bang his head on the wooden bed, _Merlin._ He silently lay back down, back aching from the hard floorboards. His mother's trill voice rang through the house, “ _Lacero''_ , Regulus winced. 

Sirius didn’t come upstairs for hours. Regulus debated creeping back into his own room, but decided it wasn't worth the risk. Finally, at around nine o’clock the door flew open and their father threw Sirius inside, locking the door behind him. _Great._ The boy crawled over towards the bed. For a moment Regulus thought he had seen him, but Sirius just propped himself against the bed and tucked his knees into his chest. 

Regulus tentatively reached out a hand and tapped his brother’s foot. Sirius flinched and shot a look at the bed as though he thought it was about to rear up and eat him.

“It’s me.” whispered Regulus as he dragged himself from out under the bed. Sirius stared at him, wide-eyed, but said nothing. Regulus pulled himself up and sat next to him. The room was flooded with soft moonlight that lit up Sirius’ teary face. His usual glossy hair looked unkempt and dirty, and his legs dripped blood. Still, he didn’t make a sound.

“Oh,” Regulus stared, “… you should stop being so stupid.”

Sirius just glared at him.

“Kreacher?” Regulus said softly, looking at the blood which was now soaking into the rug. The house-elf appeared immediately and placed his hand on the back of the bloody shin. Sirius winced as the blood returned to his leg and the wounds closed, leaving nothing but small, pale scars.

“Is that all Master Regulus?” the house-elf croaked, staring at him.

“Erm actually, do you want to borrow my owl?” he said, looking at Sirius.

Sirius nodded down at his hands; Regulus looked too. They were stuck, unmoving, in tight fists.

“Oh… I’ll write then,” he said, tiptoeing over to the desk. He scribbled a quick note and handed it to Kreacher, “send it to the Potters’.”

“Of course, Master Regulus. Anything else?”

“No, thank you. Merry Christmas Kreacher,” he said with a small smile 

“Kreacher wishes his Master Regulus a very good Christmas,” the house-elf bowed and promptly disappeared.

They both sat against the bed for what must've been an hour, staring at the floor. Getting cold, Regulus reached up and pulled the duvet off the bed and over himself and Sirius, edging slightly closer to him. Sirius smiled, holding his gaze for a moment before looking at the floor. He looked unusually sad, almost _guilty._ He moved up again and rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder.  
“Merry Christmas,” he whispered, closing his eyes. 

* * *

They silenced Sirius until Christmas dinner the next day. Their entire family was there plus the Malfoys’, Averys’, Flints’, Lestranges’, Notts’, Parkinsons’, and a few other families of the sacred twenty-eight that Regulus didn’t recognise. The dinner went as usual, the expected chatter of blood purity and talk of an up-and-coming powerful wizard that seeks to help the matter. All very dull and boring in Regulus’ opinion. And then there was Lucius Malfoy, trying to suck up to Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus. It was laughable, really.

The whole dinner was truly tedious, except for Sirius, who was constantly making snarky comments and jokes in Regulus’ ear. It made him smile knowing that Sirius’ unruly character was still apparently unaffected by their parent’s punishments. All was going fine until the fourth course, when his brother thought it hilarious to roll three dung bombs under the table. Nobody seemed to notice at first, but as the smell got more and more potent, the guests began looking around for the suspect.

Walburga, however, was unphased and immediately with a flick of her wand, dragged the boy upstairs, not to be seen again. She emerged moments later with a cruel smile that made Regulus’ stomach turn.

* * *

“Sirius?” Regulus whispered, ear pressed up against his brother’s locked door, “Sirius, what happened?”

“Go away Reg, it's fine,” he replied, stifling tears. “I’m okay, I promise.”

“Are you sure? I can fetch Kreacher.”

“Just go to bed.”

Silence.

“Why did you leave?” _me. Why did you leave_ **_me_ ** _?_ He wanted to say but couldn’t.

“Why do you think?” Sirius rasped, “You’re not stupid.”

“You only make things worse for yourself, you know that.”

“Well sorry I don’t lick mother’s arse.”

“Git.”

Silence.

* * *

Regulus wasn’t allowed to see Sirius for the rest of the Christmas holidays. Their parents would go in, shout, and leave. Sometimes Narcissa would go in with her parents and have hushed conversations, sometimes Narcissa would go in by herself and report back to him.

“They’ve shaved his head.” She said after the first visit.

“What?” Regulus gaped.

“It’s all gone, looks like a sack of dragons dung.” She giggled.

“He’s _bald?!_ ” Regulus couldn’t quite believe his ears, he couldn’t imagine his brother without his precious, silky locks.

“Yep, completely gone.” She was now fully laughing, hand covering her mouth in hopes Sirius wouldn’t hear over in the other room.

“Merlin’s beard.”

At least it had cheered Narcissa up a bit, he supposed.

A few days later Orion and Walburga held a meeting with them both, giving strict instructions to keep an eye on ‘the boy’ and to owl them weekly updates until they decided he’d learnt his lesson.

“We’re not fucking spies,” Cissy scoffed after they’d left the room, “I couldn’t give a dragon's toenail about what he gets up to at school.”

“Mmhm.” Regulus had replied, biting his lip.

* * *

They arrived back at Hogwarts late, and Sirius did indeed look like a ‘sack of dragons dung’. He was almost unrecognizable without his hair, he looked smaller, younger, Regulus even thought he looked slightly older than his brother. They didn’t say a word to each-other as they made their way up to the castle, Sirius couldn’t even look him in the eye as they parted ways to their separate common rooms.

Regulus’ dormmates didn’t notice him creeping into his bed, Crouch was snoring loudly next to him. He wondered what poor sod he’d followed around all day, seeing as Regulus hadn’t been there. As he lay there staring out into the depths of the lake, he thought about Sirius in his bed, high up in the Gryffindor tower. _Did Sirius’ friends notice him arriving in the middle of the night? Was he talking to them about what happened? Did they all spend Christmas together? Will Sirius ever spend Christmas with him again? Will Sirius ever even talk to him again?... Enough._


	5. Year One: Not Your Brother

**_"In his deepest heart there surge tremendous shame and madness mixed with sorrow and love whipped on by frenzy and a courage aware of its own worth." -_ ** **_Virgil, The Aeneid_ **

The next day Regulus woke early and wandered down to the kitchens. It gave him a strange sense of security watching the house-elves happily chat and sing among themselves as they prepared breakfast. Plus the fact that you can’t go five minutes down there without an elf offering you freshly made food. He waited there until his first lesson, trying to put Sirius out of his mind. _It’s his own fault_ , he told himself. At least that’s what Narcissa kept assuring him, ‘Don’t worry about him Reggie, he’s only got himself to blame.’

By the end of the day, all the Slytherins were practically lining up in the common room to question him about Sirius’ haircut. He just stood there wide-eyed as 1st, 2nd and 3rd year girls kept coming up to him saying “What’s wrong with your brother?” “Did you make him do that? It looks hilarious!” he even heard one 4th year girl snigger, “I bet he’s gotten some muggle disease from hanging out with all those mudbloods.” Regulus just turned around and walked out.

He wasn’t quite sure where to go, so he tried the library first but soon realised he wasn’t in the mood to read and then the study hall, but that too was full of giggling students who stared at him as he walked in. Eventually, he ended up going to the Gryffindor Tower. He knew it wasn’t his problem, but Sirius hadn’t spoken to him since the dung-bomb incident and checking on him surely couldn’t hurt. He sat down next to the portrait and waited there for around half an hour before Sirius emerged. At some point Crouch had joined him and was talking about the stupidity of the Hufflepuff house, “Why is it even _there?_ They may as well send them home as soon as they’re sorted _.”_ Regulus never replied to him, just let him carry on talking. _Why couldn’t he ever just leave him alone?_

“There you are.” He said, trying to hide his relief as Sirius stepped out of the portrait hole. He looked okay, happy even, but there next to him was _Potter._

“What d’you want?” Sirius said, obviously not sharing Regulus’ contentment.

“Just seeing if you’re… seeing how you are.” He replied, slightly taken aback. It wasn’t like _Regulus_ had done anything.

“No different from last night.” Sirius stared. _You wouldn’t speak to me last night_.

“I didn’t see you at dinner.” He held Sirius’ cool gaze.

“Wasn’t at dinner.”

 _Why did he have to be so annoying?_ He was being _nice_ to him. Regulus looked over at the messy haired boy standing protectively next to Sirius and the slightly taller, lankier one behind him, eyeing Regulus up suspiciously. All he’d wanted to do was see how his brother was doing. Is that really such a crime?

“Can I talk to you?” Regulus asked, eventually. Sirius just spread his arms wide, giving him the go ahead. _Urgh._

“I mean alone.” He insisted, glaring at his brother’s friends, Sirius was _his_ brother, not theirs.

“No.”

“Fine,” Regulus sighed “I just wanted to let you know that mother and father asked me and Narcissa to watch you, and report back to them.” He stared at Sirius, who let out a cough of disgust. _How very mature_.

“And we’re not going to. We’re both staying out of it, ok?” he finished, eyeing Sirius expectantly.

“How very noble of you.” Sirius muttered, sarcastically.

“I’m telling you I’m not your enemy, idiot. Nor is Narcissa. You can do whatever you like, that’s between you and our parents.” He snapped back.

“Good.”

“Good.” _That went well._ He continued to stare at his brother while Crouch directed a paper aeroplane at the smallest of the four, Peter, who let out a loud “ow”. If it weren’t for that, Regulus would probably have forgotten Barty was even with him. Potter instinctively flicked his wand and burnt the paper aeroplane to a crisp, much to Crouch’s dismay. _Oh yes, forgot you four were the only ones allowed to have fun_.

“Let’s go.” He said to Crouch as he turned. “Narcissa said to tell you good luck for Saturday, Potter,” he hissed, walking away.

The Slytherin team hadn’t lost a game in around two years now and Narcissa was by far one of their best players, something Regulus enjoyed he had over Potter. _You may have my brother, but at least we have quidditch._

* * *

Regulus much preferred playing quidditch to watching it. From the stands it all seemed very chaotic but, on a broom, you could simply focus on the task at hand. It was really quite soothing. And he had to admit, the Gryffindor lions Sirius had enchanted were quite funny and impressive for a 2nd year, although everyone else in the Slytherin stand was just glaring at the Gryffindors, clearly not finding the humour in it. Still, Narcissa caught the snitch and Slytherin won, much to the delight of Regulus, who was watching Potter for his reaction. Unfortunately, the chaser didn’t seem to mind and instead just dived down to applaud Sirius. _Ugh_.

“C’mon, let's go find Cissy.” He grunted to Crouch who, as always, stood just behind him, still cheering on the few Slytherin players doing laps of the pitch to the applause of the Slytherins.

By the time they’d reached the bottom of the tower, he could see Narcissa striding gleefully up to his brother, enchanting back his hair in return for their win. _Shame._ Since their conversation yesterday, Regulus had come to relish in the fact he still had his hair while his arrogant brother did not. But oh well, they won, Gryffindor lost _. Take that, Potter_.

Later that night, in the common room, the Slytherins had hosted a big party celebrating their win against Gryffindor. All the older Slytherins (and a few Ravenclaws) were gathered around, congratulating Narcissa who was downing a bottle of who-knows-what to their applause. Some wizarding band Regulus didn't recognise was playing and nearly all the girls and around half the boys were screaming along, clapping. Someone else had started chanting “SLYTHERIN RULE! GRYFFINDOR DROOL!”

Regulus made his way up the winding staircase, squeezing past a snogging couple, who he was sure were about to fall down the stairs, and safely into his dorm room. Evan and Caius had made a small den in between their beds and apparently were having a midnight snack because he heard the rustling of sweet wrappers as he walked past and into his bed.

“Want a chocolate frog?” one of them called out from within, “Evan’s mum sent loads for his birthday.”

“Er, okay. Thanks, erm Happy Birthday Evan,” he kicked off his shoes and lay down.

“Catch!” Caius' arm poked out around the edge of the curtain and threw a chocolate frog at him. It landed near the windows. Regulus rolled out of bed and walked over to pick it up. As he did, Regulus swore he saw something move in the lake, a dark shadow coming nearer. He rushed back into his bed and shut the curtains around the four-poster bed.

He lay on his back, heart pounding, staring up at the wooden ceiling of the bed. _It was just a fish,_ he told himself, _just a fish, there's probably a thousand fish in there, stop being stupid._ The chocolate frog box was now crushed in his hand. He sat up and teared it open. Biting into the frog, Regulus read the card; ‘Uric the Oddball’ _ha,_ he laughed to himself, Sirius had been dying to get that one. He stared at the old wizard who bore a jellyfish hat, _just a fish. Just a fish._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments, it's very encouraging as ive been very nervous to post this haha!!


	6. Year One: Jealousy

_**"Marianne had the sense that her real life was happening somewhere very far away, happening without her, and she didn't know if she would ever find out where it was or become a part of it." - Sally Rooney, Normal People** _

Regulus was still yet to make any good friends by the time February rolled around. Crouch hadn’t stopped sticking to his side like glue and now would even follow him into the toilets, ever rambling on about his family pride etc. etc. Regulus had actually warmed to him slightly, even though he was full of pureblood arrogance, he kept him company and occasionally they’d talk about Quidditch, which was about the only thing the pair had in common. Crouch wanted to be a beater on the team. He liked hitting things, he’d said once. That had made Regulus smirk.

Regulus, on the other hand, was eager to take after Narcissa as seeker once she left, although he’d practiced mostly as a Chaser as Sirius had always taken beater, Narcissa seeker and Bella would just watch, occasionally jinxing a bludger to follow one of them about. Regulus liked the idea of seeking, though, just having the snitch to focus on and chase. He couldn’t bear being a beater; too many things to concentrate on all at once.

Luckily though, Crouch wouldn’t follow him into the library. He used to, a few times before Christmas, but seeing as he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, was kicked out and didn’t bother much after that. Regulus spent hours in there, alone. It was nice. He’d watch the other students as they studied while reading books on everything from Wandlore to Broomology to Wandless and Accidental Magic. Seeing as he’d already read through all the content on his course, he didn’t need to study like his peers. In fact, he would often complete his essays during lesson time as the professor droned on, trying to get the other students to understand. He’d then hand it over to Crouch after class for him to copy and so instead used his free time to research other magic, _more interesting magic_ in his opinion.

Soon, he started to notice another library regular, Remus Lupin. Often, he’d sit hidden in a corner and watch the scar-covered boy work, trying to figure out what his brother could possibly see in him that made them friends. Sometimes Lupin was joined by a red-headed girl, Evans, and he’d watch them study and read and laugh.

One day, as he was sitting just out of sight of the two, he overheard them talking.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” whispered Lupin. Regulus put his book down and leaned closer.

”… It’s to help me read. I’m not… I can’t…um…well I find it harder than everyone else. Reading the normal way.” he carried on.

Regulus didn’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for the boy, _it's quite pathetic_ he thought _, his brother is friends with a boy who can’t even read normally_.

“I didn’t... Sirius did. I don’t think it's written down anywhere, it sounded more like he bunged a few different spells together. Probably why it’s a bit clunky.”

 _His brother created a reading spell?_ Regulus didn’t even think his brother was that good at anything other than pranks and being a complete idiot. He waited for the two of them to eventually leave before he made his way down to the great hall for dinner.

“… so then Mulciber jinxed this girl to start throwing up these ginormous slugs,” laughed Crouch as he slurped down his rice pudding, “... honestly Reg, you should’ve been there, it was the funniest thing.”

“Mmhm.” Regulus wasn’t paying attention to a word he was saying, instead he was staring at his brother and his friends on the table over, all whispering about probably some daft prank they were planning for the weekend.

“C’mon, it’s funny! Laugh for once, will you! The little rat deserved it anyway. Should’ve been watching where she was going.”

He forced out a small “haha” but kept his gaze on Sirius. _Why them? He’d never told Regulus about making up a reading spell and Regulus loved reading… Ugh... Was Regulus really that bad that he had to avoid him at all costs?…. It’s pathetic. Their little pranks aren’t funny anyway…. Just immature, targeting the Slytherins all the time…_

He picked at his pudding, swirling around the strawberry jam with his spoon. _It’s ridiculous._ With that he got up and left, not noticing Crouch’s cries of “Hey I’m not finished yet!”

* * *

* **BANG** * 

“What in Merlin’s Beard was that?” mumbled Regulus rubbing his eyes. He looked around at his dormmates, who were also sitting up in their beds, looking utterly perplexed.

“What the?” groaned Crouch next to him, Caius and Evan opposite were sharing similar dazed, anxious glances.

The usual cool white moonlight that shone down through the lake was now multi-coloured with different shades of red and gold; _Gryffindor colours,_ Regulus sighed.

“Gryffindors.” He explained to the confused boys.

“Should have known. Blood traitors have no decency, I’m telling you.” Crouch replied, sinking back into bed, and pulling the covers up over his head.

Regulus too lay back down, staring out into the lake, watching as the light returned to its usual cool glow.

“Bet you 10 sickles it’s the Prewetts.” he heard Evan whisper.

“Bet you 20 it’s the Marauders.” returned Caius.

_Ah... Sirius, of course._

* * *

It had been Sirius… _of course_ . Regulus watched him eating his breakfast smugly the next day, his eyes glimmering with mischief. _Ugh_.

“Want to go flying after?” Barty asked him eagerly, “I want to try out for the team next year.”

“Won’t they be using the pitch for training?” he said: quidditch was fun with anyone except Crouch, who found it funny to barrel into you at any given moment and try to knock you off your broom.

“Nope! I checked, Gryffindor was from seven ‘til eight, Slytherin ten ‘til eleven, Ravenclaw one ‘til two and Hufflepuff three till four so if we went now we can have a go and watch the team train after.”

“Since when have you taken Quidditch so seriously?” Regulus didn’t think he’d ever seen Crouch put so much effort into anything.

“Since your sister said I looked like a Horklump!” he smiled gleefully.

“I don’t have a sister.”

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Who’s Cissy then?”

“My cousin.”

“Oh.”

“Also calling someone a Horklump isn’t a compliment.” Regulus rolled his eyes and returned to buttering his toast.

“They sound pretty threatening to me.” Snorted Crouch crossing his arms and staring at Regulus.

“They look like pink little mushrooms.” He smirked into his toast, taking a bite.

“Ugh well girls are stupid anyway, especially _her,_ always crying in the common room, she’s pathetic.” Crouch barked, getting up and storming out.

“Hey!” he snapped after him, “That’s my cousin you git!” _Oh well, at least he didn’t have to go flying with him._

* * *

A similar event occurred toward the end of March: Potter’s birthday. The day had started like a seemingly normal Tuesday, breakfast and morning lessons as usual. And then just as they were tucking into their scrambled eggs for lunch, seven Quidditch players, the Chudley Cannons, Regulus recognised their robes, came bursting through the doors.

All the students immediately turned their heads and gasped as they flew around the great hall, throwing handfuls of red and gold confetti that disappeared into thin air before it reached the ground. Excited whoops of “Wow!” and “Look!!” filled the great hall, and even the professors looked amazed as the players somersaulted and turned in the air before coming to a uniformed stop just above the Gryffindor table. There they brought out an enormous banner that wrote, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES!’ to the amazement of the birthday boy below who was looking at his friends and the quidditch plates in utter shock.

The Chudley Cannons promptly flew up to the highest window at the front of the great hall and hung up the banner for everyone to see as Sirius conducted the loudest rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ ever heard. Then, to the even greater astonishment of the pupils, the Quidditch players burst into a cloud of gold glitter. Cheers of delight rang through the hall as students laughed and applauded the spectacle.

“How do you think they did it?” Regulus nudged Crouch next to him, who was still looking up confused.

“What d’you mean?”

“How do you think they did it? The Chudley Cannons,” he said again.

“I dunno, maybe one of them knows someone in it.” he replied, matter-of-factly.

“They weren’t the actual people you dolt,” Regulus almost let out a small laugh, “Just an enchantment of some kind.”

“Looked pretty real to me.”

“ _Real_ people don’t explode into glitter.” he rolled his eyes; _Crouch's stupidity was at least somewhat amusing._

After his last lesson, transfiguration with McGonagall, Regulus went back to his dormitory and pulled out a book from under his pillow ‘The Great Animal Encyclopaedia’ it read in big yellow lettering. He stuffed it under his robes and headed outside. The ground was just warming up after the harsh Scottish winter, and daffodils were beginning to bloom. Regulus made his way down to the black lake; Crouch had said he was going to meet Mulciber and Severus on the third floor and asked Regulus to come with him, to which he declined; tormenting muggleborns was not his idea of fun.

Regulus found a large oak tree a few feet away from the shore and sat himself down under it. The cool breeze drifting off the lake ruffled up his hair, and warm sunshine heated up his robes as he leaned back against the trunk. It was perfect. He pulled out the book and opened it; it was a muggle book full of his uncle Alphard’s notes and doodles, Sirius had given it to him years ago as an apology for accidentally breaking his toy dragon. He flipped through it, each page was dedicated to a different non-magical animal, he found them fascinating. There were koalas and dolphins and monkeys and squirrels and lions. _Aha lions!_ He thought back to the Slytherin vs Gryffindor match where Sirius had enchanted the Gryffindor lions to come to life and realised his brother and friends must have simply enchanted a Chudley Cannons poster! _Brilliant!_

His smile faded as a pang of jealousy reared up inside him, Sirius had only sent him a muggle book called ‘Charlotte's Web’ for his birthday last year. It thrilled Regulus at the time, but now seeing the effort he went to for his friends' birthdays he felt stupid, childish for being so excited that Sirius had thought about him. _He probably won’t even say happy birthday this year_ , Regulus thought grimly, shutting the book, and closing his eyes.

He must have fallen asleep there because by the time Regulus opened his eyes again the sun was beginning to fall, and the tree was now casting a dark shadow over him. He picked up the book and scrambled back up the hill towards the castle, hoping he hadn't missed dinner.

He had missed dinner. Regulus was just entering the great hall as the last student, a Ravenclaw girl with long silvery-white hair, was leaving.

“Just missed it,” she said in a soft Irish accent, “not to worry though, the Gryffindors were making a racket the whole time.”

“I - uh - yeah.”

“Want a dried Shrivelfig?” she dug into her pocket and produced a small, purple fruit, “most people don’t realise they’re edible, but as long as they’re dried before the first full moon after picking, they're fine.”

“Um, I think I'll just go to the kitchens,” he said hurriedly and turned away toward the stairs, leaving the girl to happily pop one of the purple fruits onto her tongue.

The kitchens were full of chattering elves and plates being carefully flown onto shelves. Right next to the entrance was a table laid with sandwiches and untouched food from dinner that wasn't eaten. Regulus grabbed a beef sandwich and chicken drumstick before sitting down on the wooden armchair next to the door. All the elves looked so happy singing away, clearing up the kitchen, he thought of Kreacher alone at home; he missed him. Kreacher would just listen, unlike Sirius who would talk excitedly at you, Crouch who would whinge at you, Walburga and Orion who would shout at you and Narcissa who would giggle or cry at you. _Great_ … _his best friend was a house-elf_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the support everyone!!!


	7. Year One: The Birthday Girl

_**"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves** _

Narcissa was unusually quieter than she had been for the past few months, she'd been crying less and reading more. Often, she’d be the last one left in the common room, curled up on the sofa next to the fire reading a book about wizarding law.

“What are you reading?” He asked one night.

“Oh, just something about ancient marriage rituals.” She said, half-asleep.

“Want any help? I can read too.” he said, picking up a book titled ‘Wizard law: England 1600-1730’.

“Oh no it’s fine, I can manage, besides shouldn't you get revising, exams are only a few weeks away and I don't want you getting kicked out after first year,” she teased, elbowing him playfully.

“ _You’re_ the one with OWLs, mine don’t even matter much!”

“Well, if I don’t get out of this marriage, there's no hope for my future anyway.” she smiled but her eyes were sad.

“You’ll be fine, Cissy you will.” he sat on the opposite side of the sofa, feet touching hers in the middle.

“Yeah, Lucius is working on it, he’ll think of something I’m sure.”

“The slimy gits lucky to have you.”

“Reg you cheeky tosser!” she laughed, kicking him gently with her foot.

“What?! It’s true! The amount of hair gel that man uses-” he grinned.

“Well I think it looks charming!” she said over dramatically, waving her hand like a damsel in distress.

“Always knew you were a bit weird.” he too was now laughing hysterically.

“Reggie!!!”

Happy childhood memories were a rarity in Regulus’ life, this one he’d cherish forever. 

* * *

Regulus took Narcissa’s advice anyway, _she was usually right about things,_ and began revising. He’d usually take his books outside when it wasn’t raining and read through them, adding brief notes on pages he thought lacked detail or underlining key dates and phrases. It was quite enjoyable, Crouch would usually sit by him, throwing rocks at stuff for a bit before getting bored and wandering off to find Mulciber.

Regulus _did_ already remember most of the stuff his Professors asked them to revise but he was glad he went over it all anyway. One day, he was looking through his Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and realised he’d forgotten that you had to heal a werewolf bite with a mixture of powdered silver and _dittany_ not fluxweed as he previously thought. _They’re practically the same thing anyway._ He stared at the page. Underneath the text was a picture of a wizard lifting up their shirt to reveal a werewolf bite scar. It was far bigger than any of his or Sirius’ scars, much more prominent too, and you could see where each of the teeth had sunk in. _The work of a complete savage,_ he shuddered.

He neatly stacked all his books and parchment next to him and looked around. Most of the people were studying, the fifth and seventh year students looking particularly stressed as they furiously flipped through their books. Some students were sitting, soaking up the spring sunshine, laughing with their friends; some couples were curled up together, looking at the view. Further down the slope sat the girl with long silvery hair who’d offered him a... _Shrivelberry, was it?..._ he couldn’t quite remember. This time the girl bore a flower crown on her head, full of spring flowers, mainly ones of different shades of blue. A girl with curly black hair was sitting next to her, and they were both giggling away at something. _Why are girls always giggling?_

Eventually, the other girl got up and headed back to the castle. The silver-haired girl stayed sat there, looking at the birds as a group of three Ravenclaw second years walked past shouting, “Happy Birthday Dora!” at her. She gave them a bright smile and stood up. Regulus thought she might chase after them and catch them up, but she didn’t. She just wandered up the hill, looking at the flowers. Soon she was about only ten feet away from him.

“Hello.” She smiled at him, “Tried a Shrivelfig yet?”

“Um, no, not yet.” He replied looking up at her, having to squint into the sun.

“Here,” she handed him one of the small purple fruits, laughing as she noticed his less-than-enthusiastic expression, “you’ll like it, I promise.”

“Okay, thanks.” He cautiously put the fruit into his mouth. It was surprisingly sweet and tangy, sour but in a good way.

“See!” she said gleefully, “They’re good, aren’t they?”

“Yeah. They’re nice,” he laughed then looked down at his feet. “Is it, um, your birthday?”

“Yep! Twelve today,” she pointed to the little badge on her robes that said ‘12’ in big purple letters, around which danced small flowers. 

Regulus got to his feet and picked up his stack of books, “well happy birthday, um Dora?”

“Why thank you, mister Black.” Dora gave a dramatic bow, laughing then explained, “sorry, everyone in Ravenclaw makes fun of the ‘Noble and most Ancient House of Black’” she said in air quotes, “I wasn’t here of course, but they all say Bellatrix wore the name like a special medal or something.”

“Ah, well, I suppose.” He shifted awkwardly on his feet. _Why did everyone here always want to talk about his family?_

“Sorry, I don’t mean that you do that, you know just because she’s your cousin doesn’t mean you’re like her or that you even _like_ her, I mean take Sirius for example he hates you lot-” Regulus stared at her, trying not to let tears swell in his eyes, “erm not you lot as in _you_ just your um family erm sorry, sorry, sorry… he’s a big-headed tosser anyway.”

“Yeah. He is.” He started up the hill toward the castle, Dora following close behind him in silence.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” She said to him as they reached the archway into the castle.

“It’s fine.” In reality, Regulus felt like bursting out into tears, but that would just be pitiful. _What, you can’t handle someone talking about your family for two seconds? Don’t be a baby,_ he scolded himself. Eager to change the subject, he looked over at her, “what flowers are those?”

“Oh, these?” she took off the flower crown and began pointing to the different flowers, “Let’s see, these here are called Blue Daze, these are Bluebells, this one’s Morning Glory, lots of cornflowers... ooo Borage!” 

Dora picked out two of the ‘Borage’ flowers, “You can eat these! Look,” she placed the blue flower onto her tongue and pulled a silly face at him, making him smirk. She held out the blue flower for him to take. “Go on!” 

“Can’t.” he gestured to his handful of books; quite glad he had an excuse not to eat it.

“Open your gob then.” Dora said, not taking no for an answer. He awkwardly opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. She smiled gleefully and popped a flower onto it.

“Doesn’t taste of much.” He said _it certainly wasn’t as nice as the other thing she’d given him._

“No, but it’s the fun of it that’s exciting!” she said, placing the flower crown back atop her silvery hair.

“Did you make that yourself?” he asked, quite in awe of the thing.

“No, no Phillius gave it me for my birthday.”

“Oh, right,” Regulus had no idea who ‘Phillius’ was and by this time, they’d reached the door that led down to the dungeons, “Erm, goodbye then.”

“Goodbye, mister Black.” Dora beamed and turned away toward the stairs on the opposite side of the entrance hall.

* * *

“What were you doing talking to that weird half-blood girl?” Crouch sneered across from him in the common room later that evening.

“Huh? What half-blood girl?” he said, genuinely confused.

“You know, that Ravenclaw one.” 

“Didn’t know she was one.” he said matter-of-factly, putting his book back down and scowled back at him, “Why do you care anyway?” 

“No reason,” Crouch’s cheeks turned pink, and he scrambled back up to their dorm. The family name did occasionally come in useful, he supposed. 

_Half-bloods weren’t as bad as muggleborns, were they? Besides, she was a Ravenclaw, Slytherins hang out with them all the time. Probably just Crouch being a git,_ Regulus decided. 

He put his hand into his pocket to fish out a quill and instead felt something small and round, like a little marble. He pulled it out, confused. A shrivelfig. Regulus smiled and placed the fruit into his mouth, screwing up his face as the sourness hit. _Maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad afterall._


	8. Year One: Exams

**_“What strange creatures brothers are!” – Jane Austen, Mansfield Park_ **

Exams began during May and Regulus began to notice a significant increase in the amount of people in the library, sometimes there were even students there before him in the mornings as he went to his usual morning window seat. All in all, he felt pretty confident in all his subjects, and the hustling and bustling of the rest of the school was a welcomed distraction from the inevitable grim summer that lay ahead.

First exam was transfiguration, whereabouts they had to turn a mouse into a doorknob. Regulus found it to be rather simple and presented his shiny black doorknob to McGonagall after a few minutes, but apparently Crouch did not, and after half an hour produced a furry round sort of object still with a wiggling tail. Charms too got off to a good start. They had to enchant a banana to dance, Regulus made his do a little tap dance with a twirl at the end, Crouch attempted a jig but to both Regulus’ and Professor Flitwick’s confusion it just seemed to jump up in the air and explode, splattering mushy banana all over the classroom.

As he was walking out of Flitwick’s classroom, he felt someone grab his arm and pull him to the side, “Who-" he started but turned to see Narcissa staring urgently down at him.

“I need to speak to you, follow me,” she led him into an empty classroom a few paces up the corridor, “ _Muffliato.”_

“What is it?”

“Aunt Walburga- your parents are considering sending Sirius away… to Durmstrang,” she eyed him wearily and continued, “Bella sent me a letter this morning telling me.”

Regulus sank to the floor, eyes fixed on the cold, stone flags, “...what?”

“She said that since his attitude has seen no improvement over the past few months, they believe they need to remove him from ‘the influences of dirty-blood’,” Narcissa explained as he stared vacantly down in shock, “they suspect Potter’s been brainwashing him or something.” 

“I… he’s going to leave?” he couldn't believe it. There was no way.

“Possibly, maybe not if we can get out of the betrothal,” she kneeled down to next to him, placing a warm hand on his back, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s his fault… why does he have to be so stupid?” he whimpered, burying his head into Cissy’s shoulder, “Why can’t he just be…be…” _be what?_ He thought… _like them? Pureblood obsessed? Muggle hating?_ He cried... w _hat was there to be?_

“I know, I know,” Narcissa soothed, stroking his hair back, away from his teary face, “he’ll be okay Reg, he may be an utter imbecile, but he can look after himself.”

That wasn’t what Regulus was worried about, he knew that already. What frightened him was who would look after _him._ He glanced up at Narcissa, he had her at least, but she wasn’t Sirius.

“Come on, let’s get you sorted out,” she smiled and cast a couple of beauty charms over his face until he looked like he hadn’t even spilt a tear, “there. Good as new!”

They both stared at each other for a moment, in understanding sorrow, “does he know?”

“… I doubt it. No one’s been sending him letters,” she stood up and gave him a hand, pulling him up from the floor.

“Okay,” he said, thinking, “okay.”

“You alright now?” she looked at him, concerned.

“Mmhm, thank you,” he nodded, looking up at her.

“Good, now shove off!” she teased, pushing him toward the door.

Regulus gave her a small smile and set off toward the owlery. The corridors were packed with students, some ambling outside, having finished an exam, others hurrying impatiently past them on their way to one. All of them dodging out of his way as he walked. Eventually, he reached the steps to the owlery where it was actually very quiet due to most the students being outside, studying in the sun. Regulus began the steep ascent, only passing one other student on their way down. He arrived at the top step only to met by _James Potter._

The boy was stood on the other side of the room, tying a letter to an owl and did not notice Regulus enter. He found his owl and reached into his pocket for a piece of parchment and a quill. He pulled out an old crumpled up essay and ripped a bit off the bottom. Now a quill… _a quill, where was his quill?_ He thought back, he’d had it this morning and just before Charms and then _, he’d given it to Crouch... Merlin._ He looked over at James who’d finished tying his letter and was stroking the bird. _He could go back, maybe he’d be able to make it to the dungeons and back before dinner? No, there was no chance._

Right then, “Potter,” he said firmly, the boy jumped and whipped around, causing his owl to fly off.

“Merlin’s beard! Didn’t hear anyone come up,” he gasped, holding onto the railing to regain his balance.

“Quill… do you have a quill?” Regulus stated, staring him down.

“Why, I own many quills,” James smirked, folding his arms, and leaning back against the stone wall. Regulus glared at him. His parents were right about one thing at least, _this_ is where Sirius had learnt the art of being a complete dunce.

“I do, in fact, have one on me right now,” the boy dug into his pocket and brandished a red self-inking quill, “if that was what you were referring to?”

“You’re not funny Potter,” Regulus spat, as James strolled over to him, twirling the quill in his hand.

“Sure,” he held out the quill and Regulus snatched it from him. James continued to watch him as he turned around and leant on the wall to write.

“What do you think you’re looking at?” Regulus sneered as he scribbled down a quick note to Sirius.

“Can’t be having another Black stealing my quills! Honestly, tell that brother of yours he owes me about ten,” James laughed as Regulus tied the note to his bird and sent it off.

“You see him more than I ever do.” Regulus glared, thrusting the quill back to him and walking out.

“Right… yeah.” He heard James say from behind as he hastily descended the steps.

* * *

The Slytherin girls were sat in a circle on the common room floor, giggling and swapping notes in, making it almost unbearable to sit in and read. But just as Regulus had enough and was heading towards the steps to bed, Crouch came storming into the common room, Mulciber close behind, “What the fuck, Snape!?” he was shouting, “What the actual fuck?!”

“Wha-what?” The lanky boy sat at one of the desks, looking completely confused.

“You told that fucking mudblood about the trap!” he roared, looking visibly upset.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Snape replied, sheepishly.

“Don’t act thick with us.” Crouch was yelling, everyone in the common room now staring at the commotion, “you and Reg were the only ones that knew!”

 _Knew about what?_ He tried to think back _, Crouch spoke about a lot of things._

“Go ask him then, I haven’t done anything!” Severus begged, pointing at Regulus.

“We’re not stupid Snape, we’ve all seen you and your little _girlfriend,_ ” Crouch spat, “ _Densaugeo,”_ he flicked his wand and Snape's teeth started to grow grotesquely out of his mouth. The boy felt the elongating teeth in horror and ran out of the common room, Crouch calling after him, “Suits you, you filthy rat!”

Later in their dormroom, Crouch explained excitedly to Regulus what had happened. Turns out they had set up a trap outside the study room that would jinx any non-Slytherins to develop a rash all over their writing hand. Anyway, Snape had told a red-headed girl, called Lily, who apparently told McGonagall, meaning the two boys now faced two weeks’ worth of detention.

“Slimy git, just can’t keep his big nose out of anything,” Crouch said, rolling over to his side and falling swiftly asleep.

Regulus stared out into the lake, _at least Snape had someone to tell._ Not that he cared anyway, Snape was annoying and pathetic trailing around after that red-head all the time. Regulus was glad, however, that the boys had been caught. It was low even for them, _well maybe not_ , Regulus didn't think anything was too low for them. But still, to disrupt the exam season like that was extremely petty.

He shut his curtains and lay down, suddenly remembering that Cissy had told him… _Sirius might be leaving_ , his mind raced, _Sirius might be leaving._ Regulus barely spoke to him when they were living in the same building, let alone if Sirius was in an entirely different country. _Ugh._ If only he wasn’t so bloody _proud._ If only Potter hadn’t turned him into such a twat. If only…


	9. Year One: Twelve Today

_**“Why did you do all this for me?' he asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.' 'You have been my friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing.” - E.B. White, Charlotte's Web** _

The weather had become unbearably hot to Regulus’ dismay and meant he spent most afternoons in the cool corners of the library, listening to the distant shouts of students outside. He usually found himself staring out of the windows and looking down at his brother's group of friends, often it was just the four Marauders but occasionally three girls would join them, including the red-head Snape was _oh so in love with._ It seemed Severus was not alone in this regard, as he regularly caught Potter gazing admirably at her as well. Regulus didn't see the appeal.

“Whatcha doing?” a playful voice jolted him back to reality, and he turned to see Dora looking down at him expectantly.

“Huh?”

“What you doing?” she said again, sitting down next to him in the window seat.

“Oh, erm, just studying.” he replied, turning up the corner of the page and shutting the book. 

“Is that a library book?” she asked, looking at him in disgust.

“Er yeah, why?” 

“Horrible habit, I feel for the next person reading that book, we need to get you a bookmark,” she proclaimed, shaking her head sarcastically, “what book is it, anyway?”

Regulus handed it to Dora, he felt strangely comfortable around her, a feeling he’d only had with Narcissa and Sirius. It was nice.

“An Encyclopaedia of Toadstools? We haven’t been taught about them yet have we?” she asked, giving him a puzzled look, “they’re not going to be on the test, are they?”

“Oh no, I’m just reading it for... erm, fun.” he said quickly, turning away to look out the window.

“Oh, interesting! I don’t know much about fungi, more of a flowers kind of gal,” Dora joked, she hopped down from the window and did a little twirl, brushing her fingers over the spines of books that were neatly stacked on the shelves, “not much of a reader either, can barely get through my textbooks, much prefer picture books.”

“Oh erm, this has pictures too, look.” he eagerly flipped through to a page with a picture of a thin blue toadstool with white spots.

“Aw, it’s so cute!” she leant over to look, her silvery hair brushing against his shoulder as she admired the picture, “You like reading though, don't you?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he hadn't really thought about it much, books were just always there, always his little escape route when something went wrong, which it often did.

“I wish I had the patience to sit and read books. Talulla used to read me stories, so did Phillius, he’s full of stories, they're so exciting!” she babbled on, Regulus didn’t mind her rambling unlike most other people, like Crouch who was painful to listen to.

“Who’s Talulla?” he asked, hoping he hadn’t interrupted her.

“Oh! My sister! She’s in sixth year now, so way older than me, she’ll be leaving soon too, wants to go off somewhere abroad to study magical creatures after NEWTs, leaving me all alone!” she flailed her hand about dramatically, falling back into the window seat. Regulus knew that feeling all too well.

“Why are you in the library if you don’t read?” he asked, keen to change the subject.

“Oh, you know, this and that... besides only the _most interesting_ of sorts choose the library over sunbathing outside on a glorious summer's day,” she teased, Regulus broke her gaze and looked down at the ground.

“Yeah.”

* * *

The rest of the exams, Defence against the Dark arts, Herbology, History of Magic all went fine in Regulus’ opinion. Funnily enough, a question had come up about werewolf bites and Regulus remembered about dittany not fluxweed. Coincidentally, the full moon occurred around the same time. There were rumours that a pack of werewolf offspring lived and hunted in the Forbidden forest, and Regulus was sure as he lay awake that night, he could hear the distant howling of wolves.

Crouch hadn’t gotten over Snape’s betrayal and began hanging around with Mulciber mostly and with Regulus more so than before. To Regulus’ surprise, Crouch’s spell-work had improved immensely and had taken to practicing on anyone that got in their way; he assumed Barty had been taking tips off of Mulciber. The two boys acted somewhat like bodyguards to him, walking either side, shooting curses at anyone in their path. Regulus didn't mind, it gave him a small sense of achievement that he had the boys’ loyalty. They were no _Marauders,_ but they were something. 

Professor Slughorn sent out owls with their exam results the week after their final test. Regulus had ended up becoming top in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Astronomy, and History of Magic with high marks in everything else. Crouch scraped a pass in everything, receiving good marks in only Charms and DADA due to his newfound knowledge of hexes and jinxes. 

Narcissa seemed more worried than ever, constantly pacing around the common room, shooting hexes at anyone that disturbed her. The engagement was slowly becoming a reality with neither Cissy, Lucius nor any of her friends having found a resolution. Regulus had tried to help too, but Narcissa insisted he stay out of it and, to be honest, it was very much out of his depth. 

One afternoon, Regulus decided to go for a fly about the quidditch pitch. He’d kept up a fairly regular flying routine throughout the year in hopes to try out for the quidditch team come second year. But he wanted most of all to get his mind off of the marriage and quidditch lent itself perfectly for that.

Regulus reached the pitch as the Gryffindor team were leaving. He jumped behind one of the stands as they passed, hoping they didn't see him. Ever since the last quidditch match, the Gryffindor players permanently wore smug grins knowing they’d scored just enough points to beat Slytherin to the house cup. Not that it was Slytherin's fault exactly, Narcissa barely went to any quidditch practices since February and apparently the team were in a half mind to kick her off. No one could blame her though; it wasn’t as if quidditch was her biggest concern at the moment.

Once the Gryffindor team were safely out of sight, Regulus entered the pitch and took off. There was something so calming about flying, it felt so freeing, as though all your worries and troubles were left on the ground. He dove and looped, flying up into the sun then soaring down, from such a height he could see all over the castle and the lake beyond. Normally, at such an altitude, your hands would start freezing to the broom, but with summer fully on its way and the heat of the sun blasting down, he felt but a mere cool breeze. _Everything was going to be okay_ , Regulus resolved and swooped down to complete a few final laps of the pitch. _Sirius knew how to get out trouble and Narcissa was always right so there was nothing to worry about_. He gently descended to the ground, hopping off his broom a meter or so before touchdown. _Nothing to worry about._

* * *

“Happy Birthday Reggie!” Narcissa smiled pulling him into a big hug, “Look what I got you,” she pulled out a beautifully wrapped present from her robes.

“Wow, thanks Cissy,” he carefully unwrapped the present to reveal an elegant notebook, its cover engraved with silver constellations with the four stars that gave him his name, sparkling in the light, “It’s beautiful!”

“Isn't it just! You can use it as a diary or a notebook or a sketchbook or whatever!” she beamed, and they set off to the great hall for breakfast. 

“Happy Birthday mate!” Crouch said wolfing down his cereal, “Want to come round with me and Mulciber later? We got this real funny jinx set up on the fifth floor, this bucket that tips maggots on any Hufflepuffs.”

“I’m alright thanks, got this thing with Cissy,” he said, in truth that wasn't until six, but he had other plans anyway.

“Happy Birthday Reg,” Evan and Caius said in unison, sitting down opposite them.

“Oh thanks,” he looked up and gave them a nod, his eyes catching someone else's behind them. Sirius was staring over at him, when he saw Regulus make eye contact, he gave a small smile and carried on a conversation with his friends. 

“I’m gonna go,” he said quickly and walked out of the great hall before Crouch could say anything. 

Regulus walked around the grounds for a bit in the mid-morning sun before choosing a blossom tree to sit under. He pulled out a book from his pocket, ‘Charlotte's Web’ and opened the front page to read the little note inside, _‘Happy Birthday Reggie!!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t believe you’re 11 already wow! Hope you like the book, the girl reminded me of you, see you soon! Love, Sirius_ ’. Regulus smiled, love doesn't suddenly diminish in a year, _does it?_ It certainly seemed like it. 

“Hello,” a voice behind him spoke, Regulus turned to see who it was, Sirius perhaps? No… Potter, “Happy Birthday!” the boy smiled at him.

“What do _you_ want?” Regulus narrowed his eyes at James.

“Can’t even wish you a happy birthday without being scowled at huh?” James joked, ambling towards him, hands in pockets, “Anyway, Sirius asked me to give you this.” he held out a messily wrapped present.

“Why can’t he give it to me himself?” he sneered, reluctantly taking the gift from him.

“Erm, he didn’t say he just...” he looked down at his feet, obviously James had asked the same question.

“Fine,” he looked down at the present, _what had he expected anyway?_

“Go on, open it!” James said squatting down in front of him, rubbing his hands together impatiently. 

Regulus tore off the red wrapping to reveal a wooden box, James’ eyes widened, he slowly opened the lid, half expecting something to fly out at him, but no. Inside was a small Alexandrite gemstone and a note that said, ‘ _look into me_ ’. He put the stone up to his eye and to his amazement found himself looking at his star _Regulus_ and there next to it the brightest star in the sky, _Sirius_. He felt his face heat up and quickly put the stone back into the box.

“What was it?” James asked, leaning over to look at the stone.

“Nothing,” he replied, snatching the box away before he could get a close look. James sat there, watching him for a moment, “You can go now.” Regulus said blankly, picking up his book once more. 

“Right, have a gooden,” James said, standing up and dashing back into the castle. 

Not a moment later, Dora came skipping excitedly down to sit next to him, “Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Mister Black, happy birthday to you!” she held out a book with a ribbon wrapped around it, “Ta da!”

“Oh wow, you didn’t need to,” he said, awkwardly accepting the gift, he was sure he’d only ever spoken to her once or twice. 

“But look!” she squeaked, pointing at it eagerly. Regulus looked down, undoing the ribbon, it was a small, hand-made looking book with little flowers painted all over the front. He opened the front cover; each page held a singular pressed flower with a small heading and little labels describing what it is. 

“Woah, did you make this?” he asked, flipping through the pages, in awe of each of the flowers.

“Yep! Normally pressing them would take ages but with magic, I got them all done in an hour!”

“It’s amazing! Thank you!” he looked up at her in disbelief and she grinned back at him, brimming with joy. Regulus smiled back; _he had a friend_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapters a bit chaotic but oh well!! haha


	10. Year One: Last Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw? kinda trippy imagery at the beginning

**_“The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.” – Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles_ **

Regulus hopped out of bed early that morning, wanting to make the most of his last day at Hogwarts before the dreaded summer holidays. He made his way through the spookily quiet, dark corridors and out into the fresh air. The sun had not yet risen in the sky and the grounds basked in a cool blue glow, it felt like a dream; so surreal and otherworldly. He wandered halfway down the path to Hagrid’s hut and sat on the hillside to watch the sunrise. 

Regulus took off his shoes and socks, wriggling his feet in the grass. The cold dew soaked his feet as he dug his toes into the soft earth, feeling the dirt get in between each toe as he did, wishing the ground would just swallow him up, not out of embarrassment but to simply become a part of it. A part of nature, a flower, a tree, a mushroom, he squeezed his eyes shut imagining it. Vines of plants wrapping around him, pulling him into the earth, his feet disappearing first, being replaced with beautiful blue flowers, then his legs, arms, and body until he was nothing but a patch of beautiful flora. He thought of the students who would stare at him, in awe of the beauty, he thought of the wind rustling through his petals, of the butterflies and bees that would visit, and of how at peace he would be.

Regulus opened his eyes and gazed up at the flocks of birds soaring overhead. The sun was now starting to climb into the sky, turning the cool blue haze into a warm pink and painting the tops of the castle towers in golden light. Everything here was so perfect, he wished he could stay forever. _Maybe he could hide in a cupboard until everyone left, then enjoy the empty castle all summer,_ he thought. _That would be nice._ He sat watching the sun for an age until out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hagrid hut’s door swing open and the giant man step outside. Regulus yanked on his socks and stuffed his feet back into his shoes before creeping back into the castle for breakfast. 

* * *

By mid-morning, the castle had become a complete raucous. Students were running through the halls, desperately trying to find missing items or heaving bags of books to return to the library. There was shouting and yelling in the common room too as everyone tried to frantically pack away their things, cries of “Hey! Give me back my____” became commonplace, with people accusing each other of stealing certain possessions left, right and centre. 

Regulus, on the other hand, had packed and returned his books the night before and so was reluctantly spending his time watching Crouch desperately try to fit everything into his trunk, while the boy complained about various topics from family to muggles to school. Finally, Crouch managed to squish his trunk shut and they headed off to lunch. They opened the dungeon door to find Severus in the middle of an argument with someone.

“Out of the way, Snape, you slimy git.” Crouch snarled, shoving him out the way as they stepped out into the corridor.

“Regulus! Can you get Narcissa for m—” said a voice just in front of Snape, but it was interrupted by a curse from Crouch.

Regulus walked over to the other side of the corridor and leant back on the wall to watch the duel. He squinted, trying to make out who the boy was… _Remus Lupin?_ What was Sirius’ friend doing here? Crouch kept shooting curses at him, but Lupin only reacted with a grimace.

“What d’you want, half-blood? Or are you just thick, hanging around here all alone?” Crouch asked, he wasn’t used to his victims reacting so calmly, most would have run away by this point. 

Severus stepped forward enthusiastically, “He is thick, as two short planks.”

“Shut up, Snape,” Crouch flashed an angry glare at him and pointed his wand at him, a daily occurrence in the Slytherin common room these days. 

“Shut up, both of you,” Regulus said, eyes fixed on Remus, “What’d you want, Lupin? Better tell me before Barty fancies practicing one of his unforgiveable’s on you.” The last part wasn’t entirely true, Crouch could barely produce a spark of _Crucio_ but that was beside the point.

The boy looked at him, with slight relief and panted, “I need to speak to Narcissa… It’s urgent. It’s about… you know, Black family stuff.” 

Regulus stared at him. _How much did Sirius’ friends know about this?_ Was this Sirius coming to tell them they’re completely doomed? Or was this actually good news for once? The boys’ eyes were full of desperate urgency. _It was worth a try_.

“Snape, go and get my cousin, will you?” he said, not taking his eyes off Remus. _What did his brother possibly see in him?_ He was thin, lanky, and covered in bruises and scars, not to mention _he couldn't even read properly_. Crouch ended up walking off to lunch, uninterested now the fighting had stopped. Remus stared back at him. _What made them so much better?_ As far as Regulus could tell they were just annoying, arrogant arseholes, but then again, so was Sirius. 

His train of thought was interrupted as Narcissa appeared through the doorway, “Oh Merlin, what _now_?” she sighed, looking down at Remus. She was surprisingly less angry than Regulus expected her to be. 

“I’ve figured it out! The… the problem. I’ve got a solution,” the boy spilled. Regulus’ eyes widened, _what?_

Narcissa looked less impressed, “Oh yes?” she folded her arms and raised an unconvinced eyebrow.

“The unbreakable vow, it can't be broken, ever,” he said excitedly.

Narcissa just laughed, “well, that’s certainly implied.”

“I mean, that if you’ve made an unbreakable vow, then you can’t make any other promises that go against it.” he said slowly, “you can’t even be forced to make other promises. Or vows.” 

Regulus’ mouth dropped, _why didn't they think of that?_ It was so simple. He glanced over at Narcissa who was looking equally surprised. Just as she was about to say something, a girl came running from the end of the corridor, screaming.

“They all just... exploded!” she cried waving a distressed hand at the girls’ toilets. Regulus looked past her to see giant, pink foamy bubbles flowing out of the sinks and spilling onto the bathroom floor.

“I um… I have to go!” Remus said and scrambled around the corner and out of sight.

“What the fuck?” Narcissa glanced at the pink foam and then turned to look at Regulus. “Can you believe it? I can’t believe it!” 

She pulled Regulus into a tight hug, swaying from side to side in delight, “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it!” she kept repeating.

Regulus just stood there, bewildered at what just happened.

“I must go write to Lucius at once!” she squeezed him tight and then ran off toward the owlery. 

A moment or two later, he came to his senses, just as the pink foam began spilling into the hallway. _The wedding was off… the wedding was off!_

Regulus hurried up the steps and through the corridors, squeezing past the students playing in the foam until he was outside. He wanted to tell someone the good news, he felt it bursting out of him, but who to tell? He couldn't tell Crouch; Cissy knew obviously; Sirius, well it wasn’t really his place to tell him... all of a sudden, an idea struck him and he turned around on the spot, heading for the Ravenclaw tower. 

The pink foam had appeared to have finally stopped flowing out of the taps as he approached the bottom of the stairs that wound up the Ravenclaw tower, dozens of people were rushing up and down the steps but just ahead, he could make out a smaller girl with long, plaited silver hair, slowly climbing up. He ran up the steps, dodging past various Ravenclaws, “Dora!” he shouted as he was just a few people behind her, “Dora!” 

She turned around and scanned the stairs in confusion before spotting Regulus, “What is it?”

“Come with me, quick!” Regulus said and turned back down the stairs, hoping she was following him. He led her outside, to the bottom of the tower overlooking the dark forest.

“Well?” she was looking at him half-intrigued and half-annoyed.

He froze on the spot _, what was he doing? He was barely even friends with this girl, and she knew nothing about Sirius_. “Oh, I um… I forgot, sorry.”

“Oh, don’t give me that! You looked so excited before, c’mon tell me!” she said crossing her arms as he turned away from her and sat down on the hillside.

“I just had some good news, didn’t know who to tell,” he looked down, picking at his fingers.

“Well, what is it?” she sat down next to him.

“Just family stuff, something actually good happened,” he gave a half-hearted laugh.

“That’s good,” she looked over at him, and he felt tears well in his eyes, “you don’t have to tell me.”

Dora undid her plaits, letting her hair blow freely in the wind as Regulus stared out across the forest. She carefully removed three ribbons that had been braided through it and tied them together at one end before biting the knot in her teeth and plaiting them together.

“Ta da!” she said after a while, presenting him with the masterpiece and smiled, “bookmark.” 

* * *

Regulus watched Dora and the other Ravenclaws who were gleefully grinning at each other as Dumbledore concluded his speech, “...congratulations once again to Ravenclaw for winning this year’s house-”

One of the Ravenclaws screamed from the end of the table, everyone turned to see all the goblets on the Ravenclaw table suddenly fire red and gold bubbles into the air before hitting the ceiling and exploding all over the students. He glanced over to the Gryffindor table to see his brother grinning madly before every single other goblet also burst, splattering the entire hall. Crouch cursed next to him and dived under the table, he followed suit and looked further up to see Narcissa’s earlier glee was now entirely gone and replaced with angry frustration as she desperately tried to wipe the paint out of her hair, all the while giving Sirius the ultimate death stare. 

“ _Omnistratum!_ ” Dumbledore gave a swift flick of his wand and the red and gold rain stopped, “ _Scourgify!_ ” the paint disappeared into nothing.

As everyone climbed back into their seats, Dumbledore continued, “An excellent way to celebrate Gryffindor’s victory on the quidditch pitch this year,” the Slytherin table groaned. “And while I welcome and encourage displays of house pride, I would like everyone to remember that true sportsmanship lies in the ability to gracefully cede victory. Please join me in raising your glasses to Ravenclaw, winners of the Hogwarts house cup 1973.”

Everyone raised their goblets as the Ravenclaws erupted with cheers and stood up, throwing their hats into the air. Dora whipped around, catching his gaze. “See you next year!” she mouthed and turned back, giving her curly-haired friend a delighted hug. 

Regulus smiled into his drink, _see you next year._


	11. Summer: The Ceremony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was planning on posting yesterday but never got around to it  
> cw: unpleasant family stuff but nothing mentioned in detail

**_"You will be required to do wrong no matter where you go. It is the basic condition of life, to be required to violate your own identity." - Philip K. Dick, **Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?**_**

Sirius did not make life easy for himself at Grimmauld Place and this summer was no different. The night they got back from Hogwarts, he covered his entire bedroom in Gryffindor posters and banners earning him five new scars on his legs, not to mention even their family portraits wouldn’t stop announcing how he was an embarrassment to the ‘Noble House of Black.’ However, when it finally got to the big ceremony, something finally wasn’t Sirius’ fault.

“You ready?” Sirius huffed that morning, itching at his robes.

“Are _you_?” Regulus replied, smirking at him.

“What’s so funny?” Sirius said, furrowing his eyebrows and tugging at the lace.

“Nothing,” he replied and walked off to take his seat.

A few moments later and everyone was sitting down, with Sirius sitting in an intricately carved high-backed wooden chair at the front, all waiting for Narcissa to enter. In she walked, in a matching lace dress and long green cloak, but instead of taking her seat besides Sirius, she strode up to the front and announced, “We have to stop at once.”

Sirius turned around in shock and caught Regulus’ grinning gaze. Walburga’s face went crimson. Druella and Cygnus stood up, demanding, “What do you think you’re playing at?” 

Narcissa walked calmly towards them and whispered into her parents’ ear. Druella turned white and fell back into her chair, Cygnus stared at her, furious. Regulus’ grin wiped off his face as his eyes darted at Narcissa and back to his mother, he hadn’t thought about the implications this may bring for her, they’d both just been so excited she’d found a way out.

Walburga stood up once her face couldn’t go a deeper shade of red, “Narcissa Black, what on Merlin’s earth is going on here?”

Narcissa straightened up, turning towards her and said blankly, “Lucius Malfoy and I have made an unbreakable vow to marry once I have completed my NEWTs.”

The entire room erupted into chaos. 

Orion began shouting accusations first at Cygnus, and before long curses were being thrown all over the place. Regulus ducked down and crawled out of the room into the corridor, shortly followed by Sirius, leaving the adults to fight between themselves.

“Can you believe it?” Sirius gasped as they both made their way safely upstairs and out of the way, “I can’t believe neither of you told me!”

“Thought you might have already known,” Regulus shrugged as they entered Sirius’ room.

“Well this is surely going to be an interesting few weeks,” Sirius said, lying back into his bed, hand on his head in disbelief. 

It wasn’t long before their mothers' shrill voice echoed through the house, “Regulus! Come down here at once.”

Regulus shot a worried look at Sirius who looked back at him with an expression that said ‘well go on then’. He cautiously rounded the corner and inched downstairs, _what had he done?_ Both of his parents stood, arms folded at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for him. _This could not be good._

“Ah, Regulus, sit,” his mother said without moving. He sat down on the bottom step.

“Seeing as your brother is making it apparent that he is indeed a lost cause, we need someone we can trust to make us proud,” _make them proud…._ “thus we shall begin taking steps to establish you as heir of the Noble House of Black.” She finished with a small, unnatural smile and they both turned away back to the raucous of the family. 

_Regulus the heir? No, no, no, no._ He ran back up the stairs, pushing past Sirius who was lingering on the steps around the corner and into his room. _How was that fair? It wasn’t, it just wasn't. His bloody brother, always squirming his way out of everything._

“Reg?” his brother mumbled from outside his door, “You alright?”

“Piss off,” he replied, yanking the covers over his head and burying his face into his pillow.

“You’re just lovely ain’t cha?” he said, it sounded weird and unnatural coming out of his mouth, _sounded like that Lupin friend of his_.

“I said piss off,” he rolled over and closed his eyes, _well shit_. 

* * *

Walburga and Orions’ attention had noticeably shifted from Sirius and on to Regulus, ensuring he said the right things, did the right things, wore the right things; all making sure he was representing their family correctly. Not like they were seeing anyone, their parent’s went to regular gatherings at other pureblood houses, discussing ministry matters, leaving him and Sirius at home, _out of the way_. It went on like this until two weeks after the disastrous ceremony when their parents hosted a meeting at Grimmauld Place. Sirius was not invited. 

His mother would not stop emphasizing the importance of the meeting, telling Regulus to keep his mouth tightly shut unless spoken to, how he must make a good impression, how this was the start of something great. Regulus wasn’t bothered; as long as he could get through it without earning himself any injuries, it was a success in his eyes. 

Guests started filing in at seven o’clock, all people Regulus vaguely recognised from being in the sacred twenty-eight, Narcissa and Bellatrix arrived too, Bella looking extremely excited, Cissy less so. Everyone was seated along the long dining table just like Christmas except this time there was no food, just tall candles and silver goblets at each place. By half-past seven, each seat was filled except for one, throne-like chair at the head of the table. Cissy sat a few seats up from him and gave him her best reassuring smile, yet Regulus could see her eyes were full of worry. All the guests sat in silence awaiting something.

A tall figure walked in, hood up, covering their face and sat at the head of the table. “Welcome, welcome, I am glad to see so many of you here tonight,” the man spoke, not revealing his face. Nobody else said a word. 

“How wonderful it is that both young,” the man turned his head toward Regulus and sent a shiver down his spine, “and old,” he turned away, towards a frail old man sat further down the table, “are joined in the appreciation of purity.” 

Regulus shot an anxious glance toward Narcissa as the man leant forward and picked up his goblet. “Drink,” he said and everyone similarly picked up their goblets and took a sip. Regulus followed suit, watching the hooded figure who never once placed the cup to his lips. 

“I am sure you are all aware of the recent troubles we have had regarding the ministry,” he carried on, “of their, quite frankly, stupidity in denying our requests for reformation against _dirty blood.”_

“Which brings me here today, I have decided to take matters into my own hands in ensuring an untainted, unblemished wizarding community. My followers are greatly rewarded for their endeavours in cleansing the magical population. I look around this room today and see so much potential… potential wasted in this current society that has no care for true wizarding values. People like us hold so much power and yet are expected to conceal it and obey mere _muggles.”_

He paused and looked around at the guests staring at him intently, “How dare they expect us to hide something so great? How dare they expect us to live in a world controlled by those that are less-than, those which are solely dirt on our feet? We shall live like this no more, if they will not grant us the power and authority we truly deserve, then we shall take it!”

The room burst into applause, Regulus clapped along, what did it mean... _cleansing the magical population?_ He looked around and saw Bella applauding enthusiastically, along with his parents, Cissy too was clapping yet held a stony expression. The hooded figure stood up and took his leave, and the room was soon filled with excited chatters. Regulus zoned out, he never realised anyone took muggles and half-bloods that seriously, _was it really that big of an issue?_ He’d never thought much about it before. 

The meeting carried on after that for many hours with talk of the hooded figure, known as the Dark Lord, of his followers, of joining him, Bellatrix in particular taking keen interest. Finally, the guests began to filter out and Regulus snuck off upstairs, he rounded the staircase to find Sirius, fast asleep against the bannister. Regulus kicked him in the stomach and carried on, hearing his brother groan and follow after him. 

“Why’d you kick me?” Sirius said, sitting on the floor of Regulus’ room.

“Would you rather me have left you to mother?” he replied, not looking at him and changing into his pyjamas on the other side of the room.

“There’s other ways to wake people up, Reg,” Sirius said, picking up and peering at the random books on the floor.

“I know.”

“So anyway, what was the meeting about?” he asked and put the books back in their rightful positions.

“Since when do you care about family matters,” Regulus retorted, lying down on his bed.

“Since the daily prophet said that there's an up rise of dark wizards,” Sirius shuffled closer, leaning his head on the bed, “c’mon Reggie, what is it? It can’t be good.”

“Go away Sirius.”

"Fine," his brother stood up and stared at him for a moment before tiptoeing into his room opposite. 

_Should he have told Sirius about the Dark Lord? He was bound to hear about him anyway from mother and father and besides, it wasn’t like Sirius ever told him anything_ , Regulus reassured himself but he couldn’t help the guilt clawing at him in the pit of his stomach. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im also in the process of noting down all the bits of atyd that involve reg so i dont miss anything out :) just a little update, i know how annoying it is reading fanfics that dont regularly update but since being back in school this week, ive had basically no motivation or energy to write so im very sorry about that, i have however been planning it out and specifically planning out the characters to give it more depth :)))

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Feel free to leave me any suggestions or general writing improvements. <3


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